Love...

This love thing has got me so damn confused! I never feel like I am showing Carl just how much I love him. I want to be the woman that he deserves but I really don't know what that means. I have never had a good relationship "role model" or a good relationship that I could learn from, both my mom and my grandma were single parents and I have never really had a father. The only thing I have to go by is what I see on TV or read in a book, which isn't the greatest. I have a horrible time communicating, I really don't know how to communicate in an effective way. I usually don't say anything about my feelings until I get really angry and that is usually when we are arguing. I know this is wrong and not the way to deal with things but how else should I deal with them, I feel like if I bring them up when they happen I am going to start an argument... Also, whenever Carl brings up something I get defensive, I always feel like I am being attacked and like I have to defend myself, even when I know that I am not. I try to make an effort not to get defensive but I don't really know what that means...

On a better note, "D" is sleeping in his own bed and has been for over a week, almost two!!! This is awesome.

"C"'s birthday is today, she is 15. Happy Birthday!!!

"D" had speech therapy this morning with "Ammie" and he really likes her. They worked on his pre-reading skills and played with Playdough. I wish that I spent more time with him doing these kinds of things. I never feel like there is enough time in the day. I am going to try really hard to make more time with him and Carl, I know that will help everyone!

Any advice????